The Night Natasha Left
by rain12710
Summary: *Prequel to Who is my father?* The night Natasha left Clint, the Tower, the Avengers and her whole life behind her. Why she did, though you probably have already guessed if you've read the main story, and Clint's thoughts on it. Two shot.
1. Clint

The Night Natasha left

_Clint_

"Is Lady Natasha dying?" Thor asks as I walk in to the communal kitchen. Why he thinks this, I have no clue, but as far as I know she's not. Thinking about it, I haven't seen Natasha all day, normally I see too much of her, if that's even possible. Is she dying? Is she avoiding me because of it? Thinking of this I ask J.A.R.V.I.S. where she is, and he replies that she's in the gym. Why didn't I think of that?

I head down there and silently slide open the door, only to find her punching the hell out of a bag, without taping up her hands. Her knuckles are bleeding, red liquid flowing freely on to the laminate floor. "NAT- TASH!" I shout, running over to her and grabbing the bag, only to drop it again when. I have to duck under her punch. I grab her wrists and lead her to one of the benches. "Nat what's wrong? You wouldn't normally do this." I'm trying to be gentle, but I don't think it's worked when she storms out half shouting,

"Things change, okay Clint, I'm going to get cleaned up." I'm left sitting on my own, about to storm out myself but I don't.

I find some paper towels and clean up her blood before walking out, almost straight in to Steve. I mumble something along the lines of sorry but he asks me, "Is Natasha ill? It just felt like she was saying goodbye." That's two people. What's wrong with her? I'll talk to her tonight, though that might be too late. I shrug and climb in to the vents as Steve enters the gym. I make my way up to the Avengers floor, where I find Tony and Thor discussing if Natasha is dying. It seems like she's said something like "you've been a great friend" to every one except me.

Throughout the course of the afternoon, I check on her at least once every hour, mostly more. She's curled up on my (well our) over large double bed, that has before fitted the six of us, and Pepper, in comfortably, making her already tiny frame seem even smaller. She's wearing her version of PJs, my top and her skimpy shorts. Every time I see her she's asleep, unlike her as she's usually played by nightmares. Maybe she is sick, she usually hardly sleeps at all.

When I stay with her I know I murmur, though I'm not entirely sure what I say. At some point, I fall asleep next to her because I am awoken by retching, and no Tasha beside me. I knock on the door of the bathroom, which she has unsurprisingly locked, but all I get is, "Go away, Clint. You don't need *retch* to see this. It's just bad food. *retch*" She sounds awful. She's definitely sick. "Please go, Clint. I'll-I'll be down soon." I can't really say no to her so I do as she says.

When she doesn't appear, I begin to feel a little more worried but I don't let it show, the others already thinking she's dying and everything. They ask where she is, I say she's fine, just not very hungry.

After I finish, I quickly get back to our room, where Tasha's reading a book in Russian. When I come in she shuts it and says, "Clint, I just want you to know that you've always been a great partner and I wouldn't change you for the world." She then flicks off the light before I can reply.

"Same to you, Tasha. I love you." I whisper in to the darkness. I change and climb in to bed with her. It only occurs to me the next morning that she's used past tense. The next morning when I wake, there's no Tasha next to me. It's not too strange, sometimes she goes for early morning workouts but given how she was yesterday, I wasn't so sure. As I am about to walk out our room. A piece of paper crumples under my feet. I pick it up and immediately recognise Tasha's cursive. 'Dear Clint,' it says,

'I'm so sorry. Sorry I had to go. Sorry I had to go like this. Yes, go, I'm gone. I would say don't try to find me but I know you will. Don't waste your time, Clint, you'll never find me. You, better than anyone, know I don't leave traces. I'm not saying where I'm going. Tell the guys and Pepper that I'll miss them. Tell Fury that I'm gone. I'm sorry I had to go this way Clint, but for now, so long. I'll miss you Clint, try not to miss me too. I don't know if I've ever said this Clint, but I really do love you.

Love you, I'm sorry, Nat xxxxxxxxxoooooooo'

She's gone. Nat? Seriously? Why? Please come back! I need you. Tash. No! I can't function, won't survive... Tasha... Please...

When I finally come out of my pleading, a good half hour later, the first thing I do is lock the door. Then I call Tash. Her voicemail has changed. "Hey Clint, I'm honestly sorry. It's better this way, I promise. I love you Clint. I'm so sorry." It then cuts to the operator woman doing the leave a message bit so I do. Tears falling., heart failing. "Tash, where've you gone?" I whisper in to the mouthpiece. " I can't live without you. I love you. Please come back to me." I stop and completely break down crying.

* * *

Sometime later, I've stopped and Steve comes to check on me. I know it's Steve from the polite yet timid knock on the door. "Clint, Natasha, are you up?"

I walk over to the door and say through the keyhole, "Nat's not feeling too great so we're going to chill here today." My voice is horse but Steve doesn't pick up on that. He replies that he'll tell the others to steer clear. For that I'm thankful. I lock the door and collapse back on to the bed, thinking of Natasha and how I wish she was here

* * *

"KATNISS! SPIDEY! YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE THREE DAYS, COME OUT OR I'LL GET THE HULK TO BUST DOWN THIS DOOR!" Tony shouts through the keyhole.

"I never said-" Burce begins but he is silenced. I haven't told then yet, and I'm still holed up in my room, thinking about her.

Why not just shout back at him now? There's no reason not to. Can't hide forever, right? "Nat left. I don't know where she is."

"Wait what?" Stark replies.

I walk over to the door, open it and say, "Tasha left. Three days ago. I don't know why she did." The shock on his face is almost comical, and I would have laughed I'd it was not such a serious situation. Stark and Banner walk away without another word. Inside my head I have no idea what to do.

Should I get up, Tasha wouldn't have wanted me to mope? But she left me, so why would She care? Then I have to prove I can stand alone. Or just try, because I know I can't. Maybe I can, if I believe.

In the end, I get dressed, but go and spy on the others from the vents. I arrive just in time to hear Stark say, "Guys, you know we all thought Natashalie was dying? Turns out she left. Birdbrain is killing himself."

"Stark, shut it." Steve says a little forcefully. "We all know what you'd be like if Pepper left. Think of what he's going through. He's practically lost part of himself." How does Steve know exactly what I fell like? It takes a few moments but I get it. I suppose when he got out of the ice, he'd lost a lot of people he loved, and one of them was probably a very special girl.

Suddenly, J.A.R.V.I.S. sounds the Avengers call thing, and I hurry to suit up. When I meet the others, they all look shocked, and Bruce even goes as far as to say, "Clint, what are you doing here?"

I reply with a dark look to each of them and a "I'm an Avenger, the Avengers were called. We can't be two down." I just about catch Tony's shrug as we climb aboard the jet.

Fighting without Tasha is completely different. It reminds me of being young and alone. Once or twice I almost die, someone saving me just in time.

First Barney left me  
Then Coulson  
Then Nat

It really is me on my own  
I can't live, Tasha  
Not without you  
I miss you  
So much  
Goodbye.  
-Clint


	2. Natasha

The night I left

_Natasha_

This can't be true. No way. This wasn't supposed to happen. Those little lines aren't supposed to appear.

After I got out of denial, and just accepted what was happening, I realise that I have to leave S.H.I.E.L.D. and that means leaving Clint and the guys too. Clint, oh Clint. How am I going to manage without you? On the outside I may seem like a solitary, strong, lone woman, but there's no way that I could live everyday without him by my side. Before he had been, the only life I had known was that of a Russian assassin, something I can not go back to if-when I leave. And I am leaving. There's no way I can't, if there was, I would find it.

I pick myself up, out of the bathroom and get dressed and force myself to act as if there is nothing wrong, though I do do that a lot of the time now we live with the other guys. I walk past Bruce on the way to the kitchen and as he moves out of the way, I say, "You know most of the time you're really kind and gentle? They're amazing qualities to have." Might as well start saying my goodbyes-yet-not-goodbyes now.

As I said, I make my way to the kitchen, where I find Thor stuffing himself with pop tarts, again. As I grab a banana and an apple, I say, "You're a great friend, Thor. When I-when you go to Asgard I miss you." He looks at me strangely, before going back to his munching.

Wandering downstairs to go to the gym, I meet Tony. There's many a thing I could say bad about him, but I'm saying good for the moment. Here goes nothing. "Stark, I just want to say, despite your annoying, sarcastic ways, your nicknames and your teasing, you're actually an alright guy. The annoying brother I never had."

"Well, Natasha, I-I..." Tony Stark speechless. I have done a good job.

I reach the gym and begin punching the bag, angry at myself for letting this happen, admittedly forgetting to tape up my hands, but the pain is hardly noticeable as I channel all my frustration in to my hands. So much so, I don't notice the blood flowing from my knuckles. Or when Clint comes in and grab a the bag so I almost punch him in the face. He grabs my wrists and pushes me back down on to the benches, while saying things that are supposed to be comforting to me. I know I yell something I probably shouldn't have, and say I'm going to clean up. Which I then go and do, not before meeting Steve on the stairs and saying whilst hiding my hands behind my back, "You were a great friend, Steve. I'll miss you." The words slip out before I've processed them. I used past tense! Then I run off back to mine and Clint's room before his mind can process what I've said.

As I promised Clint, I clean my knuckles, then slip on some shorts and Clint's top, which is too big for him let alone me. Then I tuck myself in to the over large bed and try to go to sleep. I do successfully for a few hours, then just pretend when Clint comes to check on me every ten minutes. He finally falls asleep by my side and I instantly curl up to him, like a reflex. Only ten minutes of us lying there later, I get the urge to be violently sick and run to the en suite bathroom. I've thrown up twice by the time Clint knocks on the door, he obviously wasn't sleeping too heavily. I shout at him through the door, but I doubt he hears, due to the retches in between words. I tell him to go away, and am relieved to hear his footsteps raiding away.

Almost as quickly as it had come, the sickness fades. I brush my teeth and crawl back in to bed. Then I get out again and pack a bag, slide that under the bed, write a note for Clint and slide that inside too, so he won't find it until I've left. I open the nearest book as Clint comes in, then shut it and say, "Clint, I just want you to know that you've always been a great partner and I wouldn't change you for the world."

I then flick off the light before he can think anything of it, but he still whispers, "Same to you, Tasha. I love you."

It's only a few minutes before he slips in to bed next to me, sadly, I think, for the last time. I lie awake while his breathing regulates, and cry myself quietly awake after that.

Around midnight, (so what for clichés) I slip out of bed, out some outdoor clothes on and leave my note for Clint by the door, knowing he'll trample on it in the morning. I real it one last time and put it down. I'm at the door of the Tower when I whisper, "J.A.R.V.I.S? Don't tell anyone that I'm gone until Clint tells the other Avengers and Pepper. Give them whatever excuse Clint gives them and don't let them see any footage. Please J.A.R.V.I.S."

"Certainly Ms Romanoff. Any last requests?" He asks as I take one last look around.

"Delete any footage of me from this Tower. And it's Mrs Barton. Goodbye."

"Straight away. Goodbye, Ms Barton." And with that I am gone. I take a cab to the airport, take the next flight to LA. I dye my hair brown, call myself Natalie Rushman. I live my life, or fake life, pretending to be normal, away from S.H.I.E.L.D. Fury, the Avengers. I spend my life glued to the news, making sure Clint's okay. The others too, but mainly Clint. He's missing from a few fights, presumably missing me, but he's soon back in action, on a rooftop, shooting arrows just as well as Katniss or Legolas, or whatever Tony has taken to calling him. Only he never fights on the ground. I always have- had his back for that.

Of course it's still all over the news 'Black Widow fallen from web?' 'Where's Widow?' And all their other creepy head lines. After two months though, it's like I never existed, except in the hearts and minds of the other guys, possibly Pepper. Clint's always either angry and cold or sorrowful and sad. I hate being unable to help like this, but it's for the best of all of us. I really miss Clint, and I hate seeing him in pain, but I can't contact him, I can't do anything. I can never see him again, for all of out safety. ALL of us. All THREE of us. Yes, three. Last night, exactly seven months after I left the Avengers Tower, Alisa Barney Romanoff-Barton was born.

_Fin_

**A/N I hope you liked this little prequel thing. If you haven't read my other story, 'Who is my father?' Then I suggest you go and read it as it continues Alisa's story and how she met Clint. Anyway, thanks for reading and please review!**


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